i will be 18 in a few days and it doesent feel any different i feel the same but i do have to say that turning 18 is pretty frekn aswome. so i really want to take the time to appericiate being 17 but my experinces have made a huge differance in my life everything i have done in the last few years have made a stronger wiser more aware person with a heart i hope god would be proud of becaue i know am still human but life can throw curves and life can suprise you but all in all life is life and i hope i can make a differance in someones life one of these days because i love all you bloggers out vthere who read and comment on my blog so thats and have great day

does anyone ever get in a fubnk where u should be happy but ur not u get what you want but yet somethn still drives you crazy? sometimes i think that i do it on purpose but then i dont because if i did i couldnt stop. today however i am feeling deperreded or whatever you wanna call it but somethns bugn me and i do stupid things when that happens

somedays it feels like i am not moving at all i will be 18 in 2 weeks somedays i am so frustrated that it drives me up the wall even though i know part of the reason i am here is my own fault i dont have a job dont have an eduction i have my family but i am in this place now where i am comfortable and dont know what to do i keep waiting for something to happen becaue i keep listing to others instead of making my own desions i am so worried i might dissapoint my family and get scaed that i am going to fail when i know that i am only human but my toughness says i dont need anyone to tell me what to do but then again i wish that someone would why does growing up have to be so hard i blame myself then againg i try to blame my parents or others besides myself it feels so impossibel somedays my dad is to busy with his girlfriend my moms tryn to do the right thing and everyone else is jus tryn to live and i feel stuck

sometimes me its scary because for so long i put a wall around my heart dealing with life problems and so much more i want to be able to share my expernices with othe people someday but right i am still trying to figure out what i want what i need and what really matters. my family is my world for sure but sometimes its like i am running away from everything i was raised around christian valuse respect people love one another and serve god well in the last 4 years all thats changed and i have change you when you dont have your parents around to protect you then its tough because even thouh you know right from wron sometimes its eaiser to do what you want rather than what you parents say.i am scared of a lot of things that i wasnt afaird of when i was younger one of my best friends 4 years ago hurt me really bad stabbed in the tottaly betrayed me i went to numb cold selfish person angry and poppn pills like crazy so wanting love that it took 2 years to come to the place i dont be numb but feeling anything scares the hell ouf me so i push it away and keep my heart from breaking all over again i just wish that my family could understand me a litte bit better.

i spent the fourth of july with my mom and grandma whitch was fun dont get me wrong but some how i feel gulity for not spending it with my dad when i know he was being a total ass and wants to have more than he can witch is fine but somedays its like he loves us then the next he doesnt hes to busy with his othe family to notice ho pissed off i am at him he is to busy for us so i think that i am better off with my mom than him. for about 4 years my dad was in prision so when he came home i thought i had my dad back but i gusee i was wrong so what should i do?